The following is a satirical translation of
the statement by the Anglican primates that may be found at the
American
Anglican Concil's website. It came in an unattributed email. If you know
the author
contact me. Ý
Another Statement by the Primates of the Anglican Communion Meeting in Lambeth Palace on October 15th and 16th, 2003.
10/16/2003
The Primates of the Anglican Communion and the Moderators of the United Churches, meeting together at Lambeth Palace on the 15th and 16th October, 2003, wish to express our translation from the Anglikaans:
We really said,
(a) we all feel much better now.
(b) the bible study was really cool.
(c) we have an official position on this gay stuff and it ISN'T what you guys did.
(d) we had better study some more.
(e) you can't just launch off and do this stuff and leave the rest of us swallowing your sand.
(f)
naughty, naughty bishops who cross diocesan lines. No matter what.
Ecclesiastical boundaries
trump sacraments, commandments and moral theology every
time.
(g) some
of youse guys need to allow yer orthodox to have visiting bishops who
believe in the
resurrection and don't believe in sodomy, like we said at
Lambeth 1998 in that resolution you've
been ignoring ever since.
(h) in
time honored Anglican fashion we want a committee to study this. It needs to
report on what
Canterbury can do about this stuff next time somebody decides
to consecrate an aardvark or a
potted plant to the episcopate. It has a year to tell us what
fudge/dodge/evasion it comes up
with.
(h) hey,
about this gay bishop. This is a club-breaker. Yer gonna lose yer
cocktail-cart privileges in
some places if you do it.
(g) and a lot of us aren't gonna think he's really a bishop.
(h) and
if you consecrate him, THEN we REALLY, REALLY, TWOOOLEY will be at a crisis
point.
then. When you do that. Yup. You thought it was bad when gay
marriages were tolerated and
ECUSA wouldn't say Jesus is Lord, but just you wait!