Copyright 2003 William Meisheid except as noted..
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God appears as a fish? Last year, an obscure Jewish sect in New York state believed a 20lb carp that, according to two witnesses, was heard shouting in Hebrew, was a mystical visitation from God and modern miracle. Along with many Jews worldwide, much of the 7,000-member Skver sect of Hasidim, located in New Square, about 30 miles north of Manhattan, believe that God appeared in the guise of a fish, this time not to swallow a prophet, but to be a prophet.

The aforementioned fish, a carp about to be served up for someone's Sabbath dinner, began shouting apocalyptic warnings in what later was determined to be Hebrew. The two witnesses were a worker in and the owner of the market. It all started when Luis Nivelo attempted to club the still alive carp to prepare it for filleting. When Luis raised the club, the carp began shouting at him. Shocked and not understanding the what the fish was saying, Nivelo, a gentile, ran yelling to the front of the store "It's the Devil! The Devil is here!" The shop owner, Zalmen Rosen alerted by Nivelo's outburst went to the back where he heard the fish shouting warnings and commands in Hebrew.

Speculation on the event varied from the carp was channeling a recently departed local elder to believing that God was using the carp like He had used Balaam's donkey so many years before. According to Mr. Rosen it said "Tzaruch shemirah" and "Hasof bah" which can be roughly translated "that everyone needs to account for themselves because the end is near." Mr. Rosen further said that the mystical carp commanded him to pray and study the Torah. Rosen, strangely, considering the utter uniqueness of the fish, tried to kill it but injured himself, some would say as divine punishment. However, in the end it was  butchered by Nivelo and sold without telling the buyers anything about their rather bizarre purchase.

Zelman's fish story has spread around the world and has, as stories do, been amplified by continuous repetition.  A local resident Abraham Spitz, arguing for the spiritual validity of the event, said: "Two men do not dream the same dream. It is very rare that God reminds people he exists in this modern world. But when he does, you cannot ignore it." True, but killing and eating His messenger is a strange way to embrace it. 11/22/03

Anti-Christian Halloween - This website wants to bring back the anti-Christian sentiment to Halloween. Warning - obvious blasphemy. The guy behind this, "Normal Bob Smith" is one messed up cookie, but sadly there are a lot of messed up cookies these days, most of whom are discarded crumbs on the table of life. What a mission field... 10-29-03

Gluttony, NOT! - You have got to give it to the French. It appears the Association for the Gourmand has petitioned the Pope to remove gluttony from the 1400 year old list of seven deadly sins. I guess they see a conflict between their pursuit of culinary perfection and the sin of gluttony, since for them there is never too much of a good thing, at least so says those who have already tried to remove lust from the list. 10-22-03

Griswold Freudian Slip Alert - 10-16-03 10:04 GMT Presiding Bishop Frank Griswold, from the US Episcopal Church, speaking from the special meeting of Anglican Primates called to discuss a response to his Church's election and approval of an active homosexual as Bishop of New Hampshire, refused to say whether the ordination of Canon Robinson would be held on schedule. He said, however, that he would be in New Hampshire when it is due to take place, November 2, but added: "The second coming could occur, which would certainly cancel the ordination." [emphasis added] Quote from Sky News.

What is it that they say about a slip of the tongue or maybe it is a forked tongue or quite possibly did the Holy Spirit succeed in getting a word in edgewise? Whatever happened, does Presiding Bishop Griswold really want to admit that if Jesus came back before November 2 he would prevent the ordination of Bishop-elect Robinson? Wow, hold up a mirror and see what you see Frankie baby. To admit that your church is in direct opposition with the Lord you claim to serve is considerably more than Episcopal Presiding Bishops are wont to admit in their usual double-speak. Me thinks in an attempt to be quotable you outed yourself. 10-17-03

Unspinning the Spin - A Satirical translation of the Anglican Primates' Statement. Click here for the Primates original statement. 10-17-03